Discovering A New Perspective
I have been stuck in a cycle with myself and my feelings for so long now, but being a person that craves change and bettering of self, I came to realize the cycle. I understood that I am the only true cause of my “creativity blocks” and I am in control of whatever I decide to put into the universe. My future is ultimately in my hands. So I took a step back from my life, looked at it from all sorts of different angles. I started doing things differently and approaching situations differently (if they so happened to return).
Hiding Inside the Walls
For awhile I always undermined myself, and I guess that is because I grew up in a world I felt I always had to fight for a chance in. Sometimes I was sorry in situations I should have been apologized to instead. I have been kind and forgiving when I was being mistreated. I have second guessed myself in the sake of other peoples reputations.
We have all have fallen victim to this at some point in our lives.
The hardest part of it all?
Destroying the walls you have built because of all the fighting.
What I mean by this, is that part where we stop being the floor mat and we start standing up for ourselves and pushing out the world instead. In this stage I often found myself angry and flat out annoyed at everything and everyone. I wanted to assume the worst and just be left alone entirely. I didn’t have the spark or charisma I used to have, I refused to yet again share it with anybody. I stopped writing for my blog, ashamed that my ideas weren’t enough to even be read. I stopped singing, nobody would want to hear my music anyways.
The list goes on, but I am not here to complain… I am here to fight for the person I had pushed away, just to do what I thought was protecting her.
Approaching My Life as an Outsider
I took notice of the patterns in my life that I was continuously cycling through. Perhaps different people with a tweak to the situation, but all results and emotions were ultimately the same. Finding myself again on the brink of insanity, questioning why I kept finding myself surrounded by people and situations like this. I had known for awhile that situations you find yourself in are the product of the energy you put out into the universe. You attract like-minded people and situations. Those mindsets are not always in our best interest, so cycles may repeat until we learn what it is we need to let go of or make a change in. Life is indeed bittersweet. So I decided to do the shadow work and make a change within myself to see changes outside myself.
Approaching my life as an outsider took on the responsibility for me to (for once) walk inside my own shoes. As being a person capable of handling other emotions and easily seeing the best way to their dilemmas, I struggle with my own (as most of us do). I had to treat myself as I would a friend or family member, which was also tough as I am often too hard on myself. I got to look at situations and choices I was making at every angle. I learned to respond rather than react.
Part 2 will be available June 3rd!
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